How to change a headlight in 3+ hours

After being pulled over by Lawrenceburg's finest last night for having the audacity to drive to work with a burned out headlamp, I resolved today to replace the bulb. It was an off day, and the December weather wasn't so terrible, so working on the car didn't seem especially scary for my non-mechanically inclined self. I needed to drop off my daughter at school for the pep band, so afterwards I made my trip to the auto parts store to procure the replacement. This was at 6 PM. Around 6:15 I arrived at the Harrison Advanced Auto, where the clerk promptly offered to help when I mentioned I needed a new low-beam. A couple of seconds later, he had looked up the part and within two minutes, I was on my way $15 poorer. I knew the fun was just beginning however, as this car was (relatively) new to me and I hadn't really done anything to it myself.

After arriving home, I got my meager basket of tools and got set up in the driveway, where the outdoor floodlights would provide enough light to do the chore. I got out the owner's manual the manufacturer provided with the vehicle, to see if there was any helpful information to be found. My previous experience told me not to expect too much, and I was not disappointed. Most of these books tell you nothing, other than to take the vehicle to the (fill in the blank) dealer for service. Not wanting to pay a hundred bucks to swap out a light bulb, I persevered. This particular vehicle has a four foot long cowling for which the only function I can ascertain is a dust cover for the radiator. Of course this piece is in the way from the headlamp assembly, or at least the brackets that hold it in place. It is held in place by a dozen screws, so I dutifully removed them, taking care not to misplace them (experience has taught me this lesson, like anything else I ever learned about working on cars, learned the hard way.)

After a few minutes I removed the giant dust cover, and loosened the bolts that held the brackets. But the headlamp assembly still didn't move, and the flood lamps didn't produce enough light under the hood to see what the obstruction was. Need a flashlight I guess. Twenty-five minutes and two phone calls later, I find out that the flashlight (the one that still works) is in the blasted car! Now I can see that nothing is obstructing the headlamp assembly. A little wiggle and the whole assembly turns, so now I can get to the actual bulb. Of course, the useless owner's manual doesn't tell me that the connectors are not pulled out like other vehicles I have had in the past; instead, the bulb is rotated to disconnect, then it just sits there with nothing holding it in. Luckily, I figured this out BEFORE I broke the connectors that didn't want to move (my Voyager wasn't so lucky.) Finally, the bulb is free! Now just put the new one in, and I am done.

This is where frustration sets in, as the new bulb, so thoughtfully provided by the helpful clerk, was NOT the right one. I purchased a H11, but the proper replacement is the H11B, which looks like the H11 but the base is different. Dead in the water, no other car here, got to reassemble the car and head back to the store. Closing in on 8 PM, got to call the store and make sure they are still open. Open until 9! OK, off I go again.

Now it is about 8:15, and I find out when I arrive that they don't have any H11B in stock, but they can get some tomorrow. Which would mean another trip. So I opt instead for the refund on the first bulb, and take my chances at the Auto Zone down the road. Apparently H11B is a popular replacement bulb in Harrison, because they don't have any at Auto Zone either, but they do have four in stock in Lawrenceburg. Back in the car.

Fifteen miles of driving later, I am at the Lawrenceburg Auto Zone, which does indeed have 4 in stock. $23 and I am out the door, and this isn't even a SilverStar bulb.

Now after 9 PM, I am back in the driveway, this time with the proper replacement bulb. The disassembly goes quicker this time since I had so recently done so before. The new bulb goes in without a hitch, and then all that remains is to put it back together. Of course, that too is easier said than done, because the lower bracket is bolted on through a recessed portion of the giant dust cover. I can't just drop in the bolt because, oh no, it falls off to the side underneath the cowling! Therefore, I must take the dust cover off again to retrieve the bolt. Not wanting to repeat this scenario, I find some needle-nosed pliers and replace the bolt in the manner one uses when playing the childhood game "Operation". This is successful and I finally finish the task at 9:53 PM, having only busted one knuckle and driven only 51 miles.

Now why is it I don't work on cars more often?